anxiety, codependency, Family Entertainment, Therapy, Uncategorized

EMOTIONAL SCARS FROM CHILDHOOD ARE NOT PERMANENT

EMOTIONAL SCARS FROM CHILDHOOD ARE NOT PERMANENT 

by Ron Houssaye, LMFT, SASA, licensed psychotherapist

No matter how devoted, few of our parents were able to respond perfectly to all of our needs. We all had some parts of our childhood that were tough, even perilous. Every child experiences a “primitive anxiety” that the world is not a safe place.

There’s a group that was created for adults with emotional scars from childhood, and those who are recovering attest that their scars are healing.  The group is Adult Children of Alcoholics.  I was a member for nine years and I can tell you that during those years I uncovered my own wounds, many of which are healed.

I no longer worry too much about what people think of me.  I no longer spend my weekends feeling I must go out and party to feel accepted.  Instead, I can stay in and read a good book, or go out to dinner with someone, then come home to my nest.  It’s because I now feel secure inside, so the outside doesn’t matter as much.  In short, I no longer fester in the wounds of my childhood.

As a therapist, I know that people enter relationships with the expectation that their partners will magically restore to them a feeling of wholeness.  For those of my readers who may be in that category, I recommend this book: Getting the Love You Want, by Dr. Harville Hendrix.  He explains The Imago, which is the psychic image inside each of us that leads us to our “perfect partner,” although that unconscious mental picture is merely a composite of the positive and negative characteristics of our parents.

Once in the relationship, when we are beyond the romance stage of about six months, the chickens come home to roost, so to speak, and we must confront the reality that our partner is flawed in many ways we did not see before.

Then often begins the call for healing inside both people in the relationship.  If they seek help and don’t blame each other for the psychic aches inside them they can make it.

So don’t give up when you realize your parents weren’t perfect.  None of ours were, that’s for sure.

About Ron Houssaye

San Francisco is my planet of origin. I began publishing poems in small press and published poems and a short story, "The Meeting," in the anthology, "Across the Generations." I wrote for newspapers as a feature and news reporter and taught English. I moved on from those careers to obtain a masters in counseling and became a licensed psychotherapist with a passion for family therapy and a specialty as an addictions professional. I am active in community theater and have composed and performed my own songs at small public gatherings. I started blogging in 2017, desiring to be a resource for families facing addiction through speaking, giving workshops, writing and counseling.
View all posts by Ron Houssaye →

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *