Before we were born, God sent each of us a love letter. He sent the letters to very private mailboxes deep in our hearts. This is about how one boy discovered his letter from God.
Connor Kravitz had large brown eyes, which glistened like two small moons, as if searching for some magical country he believed existed somewhere. Except for that, Connor was like any boy of twelve. Yet he lacked one quality–connection. For some reason he was disconnected. He felt alone in the world, cut off. And he didn’t know why or how that had happened.
It was a mystery Connor very much wanted to solve.
Other children had a native buoyancy and cheerfulness. He could see that quality in others at school. It was an energy inside them which seemed to lift them up. He didn’t think he had that.
Connor was even different with respect to his family. He lived with his parents and his older sister, Julia, in a state of anxious isolation. It was a local joke that Connor walked around in a peculiar manner: that he floated ten feet off the ground, .
“That boy’s a real space cadet,” Dick Carter, a local store manager, would say.
His parents were just too busy arguing with each other most of the time to notice much about their son. After school Connor just wandered about like a ghost.
All the sensations in the world were not enough to make Connor happy. Nor did he have any peace within. Sadly, he was hollow, and what he truly needed was peace inside, a peace that was personal and his own.
On Sundays the Kravitz family went to church, where Connor and Julia learned about Jesus. Connor was curious about the Nazarene and wanted to know more.
Yet another problem Connor had was that he couldn’t seem to genuflect. You were supposed to bend your right knee, but Connor always went down on his left knee. He would order his right knee, “Go down, go down!” but always the left one went down instead of the right one. His teachers thought it was very odd and sort of funny. It caused a few to snicker and Connor heard the snickering one time, but he tried to ignore it.
Connor remembered hearing that Jesus promised peace to the world someday, when he returned, because Jesus was the mighty “Prince of Peace.” Jesus would then give each one a personal peace, special to each of person. Connor sensed he had something in common with Jesus, which was that they were both odd, different, both set apart from the crowd.
Connor definitely wanted to know more about Christ, but he yearned for more than what his teachers were teaching him in catechism. Connor was different in this also, that while other boys and girls were focused on having crushes, going to parties, playing sports, getting good grades or being rich someday, Connor didn’t care about any of those things.
Perhaps that was why he seemed to float “ten feet off the ground,” as Dick the storekeeper would joke.
Though Connor was an altar boy, it wasn’t enough for him, so he began to spend time in the Eucharist Chapel, where Jesus waited, in the form of a white host, contained in golden monstrance, inviting everyone to come and spend a holy hour with him. His teachers encouraged Connor to make these holy hours a part of his life. His parents didn’t mind, but Julia could not figure out what the point was.
Connor felt the Eucharist chapel was a very special place. After about ten to twenty minutes sitting there he started to feel something wonderful. It was a soft, lilting feeling. He felt lifted up, but not physically. It was entirely spiritual.
One day Connor was about to leave the chapel when the holy hour was up. He heard a voice inside him say, “Stay with me awhile longer.” He had the thought, “It must be Jesus speaking to me.” It didn’t take him very long to realize and believe that it was Jesus speaking inside his heart.
Jesus had a soft, sweet voice, a low voice, a humble voice. It wasn’t imperial, demanding or full of pomp. Nor was it regal. It was simply a very human voice.
“Stay with me awhile longer, Connor,” the voice repeated.
So Connor stayed in the chapel with Jesus for another twenty minutes. He consciously gave the time away to Jesus, who protected him from his depression, his loneliness and his anxious isolation. Connor finally knew a happy peace inside, which Jesus gave him. Connor felt very gratified to have been given so special a gift.
Connor came to see, over time, that His Divine Friend was bigger than any problem he had, bigger than his loneliness and isolation, than his parents’ torturous marital problems, than his grandmother’s sulking sadness. These personal problems were secret, mostly. No one in the community was smart enough to even suspect that those forces had silently oppressed Connor and had nearly suffocated his spirit. However, Jesus knew. Gentle Jesus had always known.
In fact, Connor knew that Jesus was even bigger than all the hatred and violence and alienation in the world, and in so many people, too. Therefore, Connor prayed for all of them that they would discover real personal peace from Jesus, as he had.
Next and best of all was the private heart of love Jesus had begun to create inside of Connor, along with his personal peace. Eventually, Connor’s childhood ended, as it does for all of us, and he became a man. Yet, he never forgot the core of this amazing experience as a child.